Turning The Tables
by Rocketlover
Summary: Set after 'A hopeless Wound' lounge scene. Romano realises he has to go it alone and Lizzie has to deal with that decision. Cordano of a sort!COMPLETED
1. Truth and Consequences Part One

I do not own E.R or any characters from it.  
  
This story begins the night of 'A hopeless Wound' after Romano has returned Elizabeth's ring to her, and as usual goes into my Rocket AU.

* * *

TURNING THE TABLES  
  
Chapter One - Truth and consequences  
  
_Inside the head of one Robert Romano:  
  
_What a day! Had to standby uselessly and watch some poor kid loose his leg, all 'cause he got bit by some stupid bug! _His_ loss, _his_ hurt, all so fresh in my own mind....  
  
_My pain.  
_  
I lost it, started wallowing, feeling sorry, pitying myself. Then _she_ came. She was kind and I got sucked in like I always do. I'm so weak around her, I fuckin hate myself for it. She was kind so what did I do? I was stupid.  
  
I reached out to her, both figuratively and physically. I told her off my fears, my doubts, and let her see me vulnerable; I pleaded with her to throw me a lifeline and what did she do?  
  
She ran.  
  
She ran as fast as she could away from me. "A momentary weakness" I called it and that is precisely what it was. It will _never_ happen again.  
  
I'm falling deeper everyday now. Falling into this black abyss, where everything around spirals away from me, out of my control. There is no bottom and the light at the top grows fainter every day. But she had appeared at the top there, dimly on the horizon. So I reached my hand to her, touched her face, wanted her to look at me, to see the pain in my eyes; I needed her to catch me. It was a simple gesture, that's all, nothing ulterior or sinister intended. I reached out to her, willed her to catch me, to stop my fall into this abyss, into this personal hell that is now my life.  
  
She knew I was falling, and regardless she left. She views me as a predator, a one-dimensional creature only capable of self-gratification. I've seen her show more kindness to patients she could care less about so what does that say?  
  
Still I tried again one final time, an olive branch, a peace offering in the form of her lost wedding ring.  
  
"A momentary weakness...it won't happen again." I said.  
  
I had to let her know I craved her friendship above all else.... but then she told me.  
  
"You'll work through this Robert."  
  
Yeah, cause I'm doing a really good job holding it together Lizzie!  
  
My mind had screamed 'No, I wont, I cant do it alone, help me please!' But she was closed, wouldn't even look me in the eye.  
  
"You'll work through this Robert", "Course I will." I lied.  
  
She didn't care, might just as well as said, "Fuck off Robert and leave me alone!"  
  
No it's time to let go. This pain, this one-way street, I am going to have to walk alone. I'm nothing to her; I realise that now.  
  
It's time to let go of the fantasy, of this ridiculous hope; she doesn't want me, she never has and she never will. I need all my energy now to concentrate on getting this stupid arm better.  
  
I'm Rocket Romano; I will not be defeated by this...I will grow stronger through this pain.  
  
Goodbye Elizabeth....  
  
I don't want to hate you...but that's all you've left me with.  
  
8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 8888  
  
A/N – (We now jump ahead a couple of months)  
  
Inside the head of one Elizabeth Corday:  
  
She missed the 'special treatment'. It had appealed to her vanity to know that she had him at her beck and call. It had always been that way, all she would have to do was to click her fingers and he would come, do whatever she asked  
  
Not now.  
  
He had changed towards her. He was cold and cruel, seemed to go out of his way to be so. He treated her just like everybody else now. He was so angry and she couldn't blame him; she knew when he'd changed towards her. It had been that night in the lounge when he had touched her face and she had panicked. He was upset, he had tried to tell her of his fears and had reached out to her and she had run.  
  
Still he had tried one last time. He'd gone to great lengths to retrieve her ring for her; a peace offering, another plea? She had taken it and dismissed him. She remembered the words as clear as if it were yesterday. She had looked directly at him.  
  
"You'll work through this Robert." She had emphasised the 'you'll'.  
  
He'd understood. She had dismissed him like he was nothing.  
  
She hadn't stuck around to see if she could help, to hear him out, to let him vent, to be his friend. He'd sat in that chair; how ironic the situation had been. Once she had sat in that very same chair upset, crying and confused. And what had he done? He had listened; he had comforted her and guided her to a safe harbour. He had eased the confusion and made her realise her path. He had caught her as she fell. And when the time came for him to fall she had stood by and watched.  
  
And he had fallen hard.  
  
She'd failed him, and now he was beyond battered and bruised - he was broken.  
  
TBC  
  
R&R 


	2. You don't bring me flowers anymore

Don't own E.R or any charachters from it.....

I've re-done chapter one slightly so you may want to re-read it (or not).........

* * *

TURNING THE TABLES  
  
Chapter II – You don't bring me flowers anymore....

Elizabeth was having a bad day. She sat at her desk, behind in her paperwork and the bloody ER would not leave her alone, paging her it seemed every five minutes. What was it Robert had once called them, 'crazed cyborgs?' She chuckled at the description, he was right.  
  
She smiled whimsically, as she thought of Robert; she seemed to spend most of her time thinking about him now. He was in pain lashing out at everybody, and had shut himself down completely where she was concerned. It had hurt her pride at first, but now it just plain old hurt.  
  
She was worried about him, worried about his recovery, worried about his state of mind, but mostly she was just... worried. Worried she had lost him for good.  
  
She missed their caustic banter, his acid wit, shameless flirting and innuendo. He really had been her best friend in this place. But now he had no time for her, and she had no one to blame but herself. What was it they say? You never really miss something until it's gone?  
  
That's how it was for her now.  
  
He'd always been there for her, these past five years; he was in fact the reason she was _here_, far from home. He'd recognised her talent, and plucked her from obscurity, taken her away from that old boys network; a network she would never have hoped to scale on her skills alone. Quite why she'd returned there after Marks death she didn't know.... she wished she hadn't now. Then she could have been there for him from the start of his nightmare. They could have helped each other with their very own different demons. Could have grown stronger together, through and beyond their pain.  
  
He'd shown her tremendous compassion and understanding through Mark's last bout of illness, had been a huge support to her. Looking back, she hadn't really appreciated it then...  
  
A darkened lounge, a horrible day and he had come, seen her tears, sat and simply listened. He'd weighed her words and levelled them with calm concern. Then he'd spoken directly to her heart, and helped her leapfrog her ego, made her face what she already knew she must do. Only a man of real emotional depth could have uttered so few words, so quietly and conveyed the message that he had....  
  
With hindsight, she could see Robert had saved her that night. That tiny glimpse of what lay beneath the austere shield he cloaked himself in; it intrigued her more than ever now. He was obviously capable of great insight and empathy, so why did he feel the need to behave the way he did, to act like he didn't care?  
  
It was an act she'd fallen for herself, she thought ruefully.  
  
Perhaps...if only he'd let her see the real him from the start things would have been very different for them. Maybe she would have gone on that date, he'd asked her for. Maybe if she had gone on that date then she would have learned how he could be?  
  
She shook her head.  
  
_What am I doing thinking about dates with him for Christ's sake, the man can't stand me anymore!  
_  
She looked back to the paperwork that stared up mockingly, at her from the desk. She couldn't bring herself to focus on the words, never mind concentrate on what she was supposed to be doing.  
  
_I wonder what he's doing?  
  
Probably wishing he was in the OR, his hands bloodied as he fought to save yet another life. A bright bandana tied around his head; he'd be spouting clever jokes and insults and Shirley and I would be rolling our eyes at each other.  
_  
She laughed nostalgically and smiled at the many happy memories of hours spent verbally sparring with each other, over anaesthetized patients...  
  
But that couldn't happen now...Robert's life, as he knew it lay before him completely shattered, and there was no Rocket to put him back together again. His career was in grave doubt and his enemies were plotting all around him. Everything he had, everything familiar to him had either gone or changed for the worse. All in that brief period of her absence, when his world had come tumbling, spectacularly down around him. God she wished she hadn't fled after Marks death. She thought she'd been running to old comforts, to familiarity, little realising that she'd never really had that in England. It hadn't taken her long to figure out her mistake. She'd opted to return, to live with the memories and move on and she had. Mark was gone; her life was back on track now, but what of Robert's?  
  
He'd asked her for help, and she'd set him adrift, completely alone. _Alone_. That single word filled her with guilt.  
  
Yet ironically, she felt alone herself. Yes, she had Ella and her work, but she missed companionship, missed having someone to talk to at the end of the day. Robert could always be relied upon to have something witty to say, he could make her laugh and infuriate her at the drop of a hat. If she'd stayed after the funeral, he would have looked out for her, made sure she was okay; she was sure of that.  
  
So why or why had she pushed him away?  
  
Now if she entered a room, he usually left or would find fault with something she had or hadn't done. What really got to her though, was he never called her Lizzie anymore. It was Dr Corday this, Dr Corday that, sometimes Elizabeth but never _Lizzie_. She'd hated that name at first, but she'd grown to like it coming from him; it was something only they shared, and she had quietly cherished the pet name. It held an intimacy of a sort; something only he was allowed to get away with. If anyone else tried, they were corrected, very abruptly and very forcefully. No, she never thought she would miss being called Lizzie, but she did.  
  
She'd seen him in a new light of late. He appeared strong and unfazed by his handicap to anyone around him, but she knew he was desperately hurting and lonely. Even now, when he was being horrible to her, she couldn't bring herself to hate him. She knew he was just trying to handle things in the only way he knew how. She'd told him after all, that he'd work through it, and that was precisely what he was doing. He was doing well in physical therapy she knew; she kept in touch with the P.T department for the snippets of information they would toss her. She wished she could help and wanted to be involved, but he was a closed book to her now. She wanted desperately to make it up to him, to help him, to get her friend back. But how exactly do you make amends when you have wronged someone so badly?  
  
_Oh, Robert what can I do to make this right?  
_  
And then suddenly there he was barging into her office, yelling at her.  
  
"Dr Corday, get your ass down to that cesspit of an ER NOW! I do not expect to be getting whiney calls from Weaver, when I'm supposed to be at lunch 'cause you can't be friggin bothered to do your job!"  
  
"Robert, I'm sorry I was just on...."  
  
"Save it Corday, I'm not interested!" he spat, "Just get down there!"  
  
He turned on his heel and left as abruptly as he had entered, his white lab coat billowing behind him.  
  
Elizabeth sighed and got to her feet....................

* * *

She ripped the gloves off her hands and threw them into the waste bin, as she cast another eye over the dead man she had been unable to save.  
  
"Sod it! Where are the relatives?" she asked Chuny.  
  
"It's okay Elizabeth, I'll tell them." said Susan who had just entered the trauma room, "Your nanny's waiting out at admit with Ella."  
  
"_What_?"  
  
She wasn't due off for hours, something must have happened. She ran out to the admit area and spotted Chris, her nanny holding her daughter.  
  
"What's the matter, why are you here?" she blurted out, casting an eye over Ella for signs of injury.  
  
Chris turned at her boss's familiar voice, "Hi, I'm so sorry Dr Corday, my father has been in an accident and I have to catch a flight to Atlanta, like in the next hour. I'm so sorry, but I really have to go!" She thrust the little girl forward into Elizabeth's arms, then turned and fled leaving a shell shocked Elizabeth literally holding the baby.  
  
"What the hell am I supposed to do now?" she muttered to nobody in particular.  
  
"Problem?" asked Frank.  
  
Elizabeth put the toddler down and turned to him. "Well if you call having no childcare, when I'm supposed to be on for the next five hours a problem then _yes_!"  
  
"Dr Corday, we need you now!" shouted Luka, as a GSW victim was wheeled through the doors and people started running and shouting,  
  
Elizabeth looked around her at the ensuing chaos. "Dr Corday NOW!"  
  
She glanced down at Ella.  
  
"Frank can you please watch Ella for a minute?"  
  
"Do I look like daddy daycare?"  
  
Elizabeth shot him an evil glare and he squinted his eyes at her, "Five minutes okay, I'm busy!"  
  
She was off and running towards the trauma, before he finished his sentence.

* * *

Another dead patient later, Elizabeth stormed out of the room furious.  
  
_Could this day get any worse?  
_  
She stomped back to admit and looked around. She saw Frank on the phone, Carter and Susan talking, but no Ella.  
  
"Frank where's Ella?" she asked.  
  
Frank looked up from the call he was on, and looked around him shrugging his shoulders, before placing a hand over the receiver.  
  
"She was here a moment ago, can't have gone far."  
  
"Frank you idiot, where the _hell_ is she?" she yelled.  
  
Elizabeth felt the first stirrings of panic begin to knot in her stomach.  
  
Susan appeared at her side, "What's wrong?"  
  
Elizabeth spun around frantically looking everywhere and shouted, "Ella...ELLA!"  
  
Susan captured her arm, "Ella's missing?"  
  
Elizabeth nodded her head before running off to try and find her daughter.  
  
"Frank get security _now_!" Susan yelled and ran after Elizabeth...............

* * *

Elizabeth ran out of the lounge into the waiting area.  
  
"Has anyone seen her?" she screamed. Carter shook his head and raced of in another direction. She stared frantically around her, saw Susan talking to security, saw Luka searching round by chairs. The ambulance bay doors opened, and she ran outside her eyes scanning everywhere all at once. She froze in horror as she saw Ella playing there, oblivious to the ambulance backing up towards her. Time stopped before her eyes, as a scream ripped from her throat and she started running.  
  
"_Ellaaaaa_!"  
  
The ambulance moved closer, and despite running full hilt she was too far away. Elizabeth felt bile rise into her throat, and screamed her daughters name again. Suddenly a figure darted across her field of vision scooping up Ella, just as the ambulance rolled over where she'd been playing seconds before. The ambulance made contact with the man before they could clear it, knocking the pair of them to the ground hard. She ran to where the prone figures lay on the ground, but Luka appeared beside her and pushed her out of the way.  
  
"Get a gurney, now!" he yelled, "I need help!"  
  
He rolled the man off Ella and Elizabeth reached down for her daughter, "Ella!"  
  
The little girl sat up on hearing her mother's voice, and stretched out her arms crying. Elizabeth picked her up and slipped into doctor mode checking her daughter's physical condition. Once satisfied she looked down to where Luka worked.  
  
"Dr Romano.... can you hear me?"  
  
Her heart stopped when she saw Robert lying there unconscious, bleeding heavily from the head.  
  
"Oh God, no." she cried incredulously, before sinking to the floor gripping Ella to her. She watched numb with shock, as Carter and Abby appeared next to Luka and set to work on their chief of staff.  
  
TBC  
  
R&R 


	3. The Waiting Game

TURNING THE TABLES  
  
Chapter 3 – The Waiting Game....  
  
Elizabeth gulped nervously as the doors to the trauma room swung open to reveal Carter. He spotted her and walked quickly towards her wearing what he thought was an encouraging smile.  
  
"Hhhow is he?" she stuttered nervously, rubbing a hand over her mouth and trying to glimpse a peek through the doors before they swung back closed.  
  
"He'll live, mores the pity." Carter quipped lightly, ripping the latex gloves off his hands.  
  
Elizabeth blinked rapidly at the levity of his remark, and the words hit her full centre in the stomach, making her livid. All the pent up frustration and worry she'd been carrying around for the last few months manifested itself in a furious rage towards the young doctor, who stood before her so casually belittling Robert. She watched in morbid fascination, as her hand rose up and connected hard with his cheek, leaving a large red patch in her wake.  
  
Cater stepped back, shocked, a hand gingerly rubbing his cheek. She watched him recoil and heard her voice, loud in her own ears as she screamed indignantly at him.  
  
"How DARE you! Don't you EVER speak of him like that again....do you understand me? That man has just risked his life to save my daughter.... he's TWICE the man you'll ever be, you jumped up, LITTLE RICH SHIT!"  
  
Carter's other cheek flamed red with embarrassment as he looked around him for help, but saw none forthcoming. When Elizabeth finished her tirade he held his hands out apologetically.  
  
"I'm sorry Dr Corday, I didn't mean to offend you, or Dr Romano for that matter...I'm really sorry..."  
  
Elizabeth's tear stained eyes flamed with anger through his weak attempt at an apology. Carter felt her temper rising again and attempted to diffuse her with cold, medical talk.  
  
"Look, err he's still unconscious and we're taking him up for a CT. The good news is there's nothing broken...he's got a nasty laceration to the head, but it's superficial.... I am worried about his left arm though; it took the brunt of the impact and I'm worried there may be sensory loss. I'm going to ask Dr Klein to take a look, when he regains consciousness."  
  
_Oh God no, this will be the last straw!  
  
_Her eyes welled up with fresh tears and from somewhere deep within, a pitiful whisper escaped her mouth.  
  
"Noooo."  
  
Her shoulders slumped forward defeated, and she dipped her head staring at the linoleum-covered floor.  
  
"I'm really sorry Elizabeth." Carter said sheepishly, actually beginning to feel quite bad about his earlier comment.  
  
Susan approached them, having witnessed the whole episode, along with nearly the entire ER staff, who were busy exchanging smirks at one another.  
  
"Elizabeth are you okay?" she asked, before turning to Carter wearing a filthy look.  
  
"Go away."  
  
He did, relieved to be getting out of the whole uncomfortable, emotional situation.  
  
Elizabeth let the tears fall, and Susan wrapped her arms around her, rubbing her back in soothing circles.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked tentatively.  
  
Elizabeth's head snapped up on hearing the trauma doors open. Luka and Abbey wheeled Romano out on a gurney towards the elevator. Elizabeth's eye's locked on Robert's unconscious form and her knees buckled at the sight. Susan caught her as she stumbled.  
  
"Hey come on, sit down. You're still in shock."  
  
She sat the pair of them down next to Ella who was sat colouring in, and looked at the departing forms headed for the elevator, then back to Elizabeth, who's gaze was firmly fixed on them.  
  
"You care about him don't you?" It sounded more like a statement of fact than a question.  
  
Elizabeth nodded and tried to blink away the tears from her eyes. Susan placed a comforting hand into her friends, and peered into her face, forcing eye contact.  
  
"Does he know? I mean I kinda got the impression you two had fallen out big time."  
  
"We....it's complicated. "  
  
"_Riiight_."  
  
Elizabeth looked down to the floor and let out a desperate sigh.  
  
"I.... I hurt him very badly Susan.... let him down when he needed me ...after he had helped me...I let him down." She stuttered.  
  
"_Sooo_, make it up to him.... help him now."  
  
She shook her head. "It's too late.... he doesn't want my help anymore. He hates me."  
  
"Elizabeth...it's pretty obvious to anyone with a brain cell that he's hurting, and I don't just mean physically. He's lashing out at everybody; trust me, if he's riling at you it means nothing. I'll tell you what I do know though, and that is, _he's_ not capable of hating _you_."  
  
Elizabeth didn't say anything, so she continued, "You know, they always say you hurt the ones you love the most...I've seen the way he looks at you...I'm sure if you went to him, told him you were sorry, he'd forgive you."  
  
"I'm not so sure, I can't even forgive myself!"  
  
"Well if you don't try, then you'll never know." Susan said forcefully.  
  
Elizabeth continued to stare at the floor and Susan tried again.  
  
"Look let me take Ella tonight and you can stay with him... I'm sure he'll appreciate it."  
  
"I can't she needs me too, especially after today."  
  
"Ella's fine look..." she pointed down to the floor where Ella was busy colouring in at Elizabeth's feet.  
  
"Kids are resilient Elizabeth; she's probably not even aware of the danger she was even in."  
  
Elizabeth didn't say anything, she just stared at her daughter, re-living that wretched moment this afternoon when she thought she was going to loose her. Then she saw Robert throwing himself selflessly over her, shielding her from the danger.  
  
"Look at least go and see him eh?"  
  
Elizabeth nodded.  
  
"Can you watch Ella until I'm back. I'm not comfortable leaving her with anyone else."  
  
"Sure, take as long as you want.... go on catch them up."

* * *

"The CT's clear." Luka said, "He's got a bad concussion but he'll be okay. We'll have to wait for him to come round to gauge the extent of damage to the arm though."  
  
"Thank you." Elizabeth breathed relieved.  
  
"We're going to take him down to a private room now."  
  
"I'll see him settled, if that's okay?" she said.  
  
"Of course."

* * *

She sat watching him, in the darkened room, listening to the steady blip of the pulseox monitor, drawing comfort from the regularity of it. His fingers moved slightly in her hand and she shot her other to his face.  
  
"Robert can you hear me?"  
  
His fingers moved more forcefully against hers and she smiled. Caressing his cheek with her palm she turned his face towards her.  
  
Robert's eyes flittered open briefly and she smiled. He mouthed 'where?' at her and blinked again.  
  
"You're at County Robert. You knocked yourself out but you're going to be fine. Do you understand?"  
  
He blinked again, and dipped his head ever so slightly.  
  
"Good. Get some rest okay?"  
  
He closed his eyes and she watched him for a time, before rising up to go and find his doctor. She needed to make them aware Robert had regained consciousness, and was also desperate for some caffeine, now that she was beginning to calm down.  
  
It took some time to find his doctor and locate the cup of coffee she now held snugly into her, drawing a small comfort from the warmth that permeated against her clothing. She sat down next to the bed and glanced over at him. His face was screwed into a grimace, and he was moving around restlessly. Elizabeth watched helplessly as he became more and more agitated, his right hand repeatedly clutching his left arm. She realised with dread that he was trapped in a nightmare, and it was pretty obvious he was reliving that fateful night on the roof.  
  
A desolate moan escaped his mouth, and his head began to turn side to side restlessly.  
  
She took his hand into hers and placed the other to his cheek. "Robert wake up, you're having a nightmare.... Robert!"  
  
Another pitiful groan, and he became more unsettled.  
  
A knock at the door caused her to turn round. It was Susan, holding Ella in her arms.  
  
"How's he doing?"  
  
"He came round for a while, but now he's become agitated. I think he's reliving the accident."  
  
Susan looked over at Romano, and felt immediate empathy with him. She still had nightmares herself about that night; God knows what it was like for him.  
  
"Elizabeth you should stay.... if he's stuck on that roof, trust me he's gonna need a friend... it was horrible Elizabeth, I can't begin to describe how bad it was.... it...."  
  
Elizabeth watched as Susan went slightly pale, unable to take her eyes of Robert's left arm.  
  
"You'll take Ella?" she asked, having made the decision.  
  
"Yeah, I'm off tomorrow so don't worry, take all the time you need."  
  
Elizabeth noted Susan's eyes still lingering on Romano's arm. She reached out and placed a hand on her forearm. "Thanks."  
  
The touch brought Susan back to the now.  
  
"Tell him I said hi, when he wakes up."  
  
"I will, if he'll let me..."  
  
"_Make_ him Elizabeth." Then she turned and left, taking with her, her own demons from that awful night.  
  
Elizabeth watched her leave then took Roberts hand in hers and sat down by the bed...

* * *

He could feel the burning pain as he hit the ground staring at where his arm should be. Felt the vomit rise and begin to choke him. Flashing lights made him dizzy, and that god-awful deafening noise, rang loudly, battering at him. Blood, he smelt blood; his blood everywhere. Then there were faces hovering over him, but he couldn't make out who they were. Cold, so cold...everything was fading to nothing around him.  
  
_I'm dying....Oh God  
_  
Something warm reached out to him, held his hand calming him slightly. This was different somehow; this was not the way the nightmare usually went. Then he felt the soft warmth spread to his face, felt something brush his lips. There was safety in the touch and he felt himself running to it, embracing the security it offered.

* * *

She felt his fingers twitch in her hand and pushed her face to his. His eyelids were fluttering slightly.  
  
"Robert...Robert, wake up.... _please_...." She shook him rigorously.  
  
Something wet touched his face, then another. He struggled to open his eyes, but it was too hard. The wetness was moving down his face, tracing a path to his mouth. Parting dry lips he pushed his tongue around them. The wetness reached it's destination and he tasted it. Salty; tears he thought.  
  
Another effort and his eyes opened, squinting.  
  
"Elizabeth?" he rasped weakly.  
  
"Sshh, do you want some water?"  
  
He nodded his head slightly, and she reached over to the table retrieving the water. She held it to his mouth and he sipped from the straw.  
  
"Ella?" he croaked.  
  
Elizabeth smiled, "Ella's fine Robert, you saved her; she didn't even have a scratch on her. I don't know how to begin to thank you."  
  
He closed his eyes, blinking away the relief that washed over him at that news.  
  
"I've been so worried. You woke up briefly over an hour ago, but then you were having a nightmare and I couldn't wake you." Elizabeth rambled.  
  
_Don't remember waking before? Okay so, Ella's fine.... now send her away.  
  
_"Why are you here?" he asked coldly.  
  
Elizabeth replaced the glass on the table, trying to stall the confrontation she knew he was starting.  
  
"I was worried about you."  
  
"Well I'm fine, Ella's fine, you've said thanks so you can go now."  
  
"Robert..."  
  
"I said go Elizabeth." He turned his face away from her.  
  
"Robert please, let's.."  
  
"I don't want you here. I can't make it anymore clearer than that."  
  
Elizabeth stood and looked down at him sadly.  
  
"I miss you Robert... look...I'm staying here tonight like it or not; I'll be outside okay?"  
  
He continued to look away, and spat "Whatever, just get out!"  
  
She turned to leave, and he moved his head to watch her go, wanting desperately to call her back.  
  
_No...do not let her do this to you again!_ _

* * *

_  
  
He woke up as a nurse entered the room.  
  
"Good morning Dr Romano, how are you feeli...."  
  
"Where the hell is my doctor?"  
  
"Erm, I think Dr Klein is coming down to see you in a moment sir."  
  
_Sir? Okay he'd let her off for that.  
_  
"Fine."  
  
"Err, can I get you anything?"  
  
"No, just do what you have to do, then go."  
  
She made her observations and left as quickly as possible.  
  
Elizabeth popped her head in a few minutes later. She smiled nervously at him and he watched as she approached the bed. She looked tired, and from her apperance had obviously spent the night here. He couldn't believe she had stayed.  
  
"Why are you still here?" he snapped.  
  
_Well obviously a night's sleep hasn't improved matters. _

"I told you I was staying. I want to make sure you're okay.... Dr Klein will be here in a minute."  
  
"And what's that got to do with you?"  
  
"Robert you can't push me away, I won't let you."  
  
They stared at one another, each weighing up the others resolution before going into battle.  
  
Klein entered the room and took in the scene and the uncomfortable silence.  
  
"Robert, Elizabeth." He said quickly.  
  
Romano tore his eyes away from Elizabeth and snapped, "Marty about time."  
  
"Right, well let's take a look..."  
  
"Wait.... Dr Corday if you don't mind...."  
  
Elizabeth looked at him, her eyes beseeching him for permission to stay, but she found none. Sadly she turned and left.

* * *

"Dr Klein." Elizabeth jumped out as soon as he left Robert's room.  
  
"Jeez, you made me jump."  
  
"Sorry. How is he?"  
  
"Dr Corday, I can't discuss that with you, you know that."  
  
"But Marty..." she began.  
  
"Elizabeth, I'm sorry.... he specifically told me not to discuss the matter with you."  
  
She looked down at the floor and swallowed hard. Klein watched her pityingly and turned his head back to the room he had just exited. When he returned his gaze to Elizabeth she was looking staight at him, and he saw the pain and aguish that dwelled in her eyes. 'What the hell' he thought.  
  
"Look, I can't say much you know that. He'd have my ass for breach of doctor/patient confidentiality...but...let's just say his road to recovery has taken a major setback."  
  
"Oh, God no."  
  
"I'm sorry. The impact has damaged any recovery he had made these last few months. He's got a long road ahead of him..." He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "It would be good if he didn't have to go it alone, hang in there eh?"  
  
She nodded. "Thank you Marty."  
  
"No problem."  
  
When he got to the elevator he turned around and watched Elizabeth still standing by the door, her hand poised on the handle. The elevator arrived and he stepped in wondering if she would make the move that might possibly help his tortured boss get his life back.........  
  
TBC 


	4. Truth and Consequences Part Two

TURNING THE TABLES

Chapter IV – Truth and consequences (part 2)

Elizabeth watched her hand, the fingers poised hovering just above the the door handle.

'Could she do this?' She thought to herself.... he seemed determined to go it alone and was bound to send her away again; would she have the strength and determination to see it through, to make him see all she wanted to do was to help, to be there for him.

_Make him Elizabeth_...Susan's words reverberated loudly in her head. 

It was time to stop running. She willed strength to her fingers and watched as they turned the handle and she pushed forward into the room....

* * *

Robert's head was still resonating with the revelation of Marty's calmly delivered prognosis.... all these months of pain had been for nothing.... he'd worked his ass off and sweated tears.... all for it to be taken away from him in a moment, just as his arm had been that night up on the roof.

This wasn't simply another lost battle ....it was the end...the end of his career and everything he'd ever worked for.... gone was hope...and with it his life. He closed his eyes and immediately felt dizzy as he felt himself spiral deeper into the abyss. The tell tale lump in his throat, cut off his air and he squeezed his eyes shut harder, trying to stem the tears that began to flow. His chin dipped down to his chest in defeat, as the tears escaped silently dropping onto his hands....

He felt two arms wrap around him, and he latched on to the warmth and security they offered without thinking. The warmth was all encompassing and he clung to it desperately, while he struggled to gain back some semblance of identity. It was a hard fight, but eventually he brought himself under control and opened his eyes to see his human security blanket...

_Elizabeth _

He'd known in his heart it could only have been her.... no one else would be mad enough to come near him. She was still here, still trying to placate him out of some misplaced sense of guilt, or worse still...pity.... the last thing he wanted from _her_ was that. Summoning more strength, he drew renewed air into his lungs and spoke in a quiet, dispassionate voice, "Go away."

The cold tone and words stung her, causing her to blink; at the same time he pushed her off him and turned his face away from her.

"Robert, let me...."

"Shouldn't you be with Ella?" he continued, "Y'know your daughter...the one you let play in ambulance bays...or has she graduated to jaywalking now?" he spat out coldly.

So that was to be his game....goading cruelty. She felt the temper rising within her, and fought to keep it under control determined not to let him push her away.

"So who's watching her this time Elizabeth...the bogyman?" he persisted.

"Shut up Robert." She snapped, the tears forming in her eyes.

"I mean you _do_ know, right?"

"Robert...I'll not let you do this."

"Do what?"

"I won't let you push me away...I'm here to help if you like it or not."

"HELP?" he laughed aloud bitterly, "I think you've _helped_ enough already. You wanna know what Marty said?" He pointed at his left arm.

"My arms fucked Elizabeth.... happy now.... there's no way I'll ever operate again...and I'll be lucky to even have 10% sensory feeling...it's fucked.... I'm fucked!"

He saw her face crumple as his words sunk in. "So I think you've done _enough _on the help front."

Already fearing what he was implying, she asked the question. "What do you mean?"

"What do I mean.... that this is _your fault_." He spat.

"Mine?" she exclaimed.

"Yes yours.... if you weren't such a complete loser as a parent, I wouldn't have to leap in front of ambulances would I...in short.... my arms fucked beyond repair all thanks to you."

Elizabeth stared at him through a veil of tears. Did he mean that.... did he really blame her for this.... and worse still, was he right?

Her hand went to her mouth as she mumbled pathetically, "I'm so sorry Robert.... is that what you truly believe?"

He turned his face from her and dipped his head.

"Yes." He heard his voice rasp, speaking out against his heart.

Elizabeth turned and fled the room...he snapped his head round and watched her go, feeling himself go into freefall...

* * *

After she'd gone Robert summoned the nurse and requested some Tylenol. After swallowing the pills he closed his eyes and lay back against the pillow, feeling awful. He'd wanted her to go away, but he hadn't meant to go that far. He didn't blame her for this and he knew he'd have to tell her that if she ever came back. Robert suspected though, he'd finally burnt his last bridge where she was concerned...turning his head to the side he sighed and let sleep overcome him...

* * *

Later that afternoon, he sat up in bed absently flicking through the TV channels when a knock at the door caused him to look up.

"Hey Dr Romano." Susan Lewis breezed casually into the room. "How you holding up? Started digging any escape tunnels out of here yet, cause the nurses say they're happy to help."

He chuckled despite his foul mood, and rewarded her with a brief smile.

"To what do I owe this displeasure Lewis?" he barked half-heartedly.

"Just wanted to check on my favourite grumpy smurf."

"Smurf? You cheeky..."

She tossed him a packet of M&M's before he could complete the sentence and he caught them out of instinct. He looked down and smiled when he realised what they were.

"Okay, for _these_ I'll let that comment slide this one time, but don't get too cocky."

Susan smiled and pulled a chair up to the bed, her gaze fixed firmly on his face.

"So Robert...how are you.... really."

"Just peachy." He said ripping open the bag with his teeth.

She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling and continued. "What do they say about the arm?"

His eyes shot to hers sharply and he fixed her with a fierce stare.

"None of your beeswax!" he said crossly. "You think a packet of candy makes you my best buddy or something?"

Susan frowned at him and crossed her arms defensively. Cocking her head towards the door she continued.

"No.... your _best buddy_ Robert, is outside this room crying 'cause you're a stubborn shit who's determined to punish her for one little mistake."

"You can go now Dr Lewis!" he yelled, dismissing her.

"No...I'll go when I'm ready _Dr_ Romano...Elizabeth's a good friend of mine and it's pissing me off no end to watch you treating her like this...Robert the woman is _in love_ with you for Christ's sake and you're so knee deep in feeling sorry for yourself you can't even see it!"

He heard the words and tried to reconcile their meaning in his head. Elizabeth _loved_ him? Could it be true?

"I think your mistaking love and pity." He whispered more to himself.

"Bullshit. And don't think that I don't know you love her back!"

His head shot up, anger flaring at his nostrils. He inhaled sharply and opened his mouth to yell, but she beat him to it.

"The only person guilty of pity here Robert, is _you_! Look you weren't alone on that roof..._I_ _still_ have nightmares to this day about it, and I think it'll always haunt me. You got your arm sliced off for Christ's sake and nearly died and _you're_ the one having to deal with that everyday I know...But _I_ _saw_ it happen, _I_ had to patch you up along with Luka.....it was awful Robert, it's the most single, scariest traumatic thing I've ever seen...I've tried talking about it to people, but no one understands and it drives me crazy...but _you_ have a woman out there who wants to help you, who wants to understand, who _wants_ to love you...just get over yourself and let her!"

They stared at each other as she finished ranting; then without warning she stood up kicking the chair back and left, leaving a very much stunned Robert staring after her....

* * *

Robert let Susan's words linger in his head. He sighed as he heard the door open and glanced up to see who it was coming to bug him now. Elizabeth pushed her head round the door, her face impassive, but made no move to enter. She looked to him for what he thought was an invitation.... not surprising, considering their last meeting. He glanced sideways at the chair next to the bed and shrugged his shoulders slightly. He watched her smile tentatively as she walked in, and flopped down heavily into the chair.

Robert looked at her properly for the first time in months.... _really_ looked at her. She looked pale and her face was lined with exhaustion. The normally bright eyes were rimmed red from crying.... tears, that had been shed for him. The thought of her crying tears over him hurt and yet pleased him too. Despite all this she was still as beautiful as ever to him. He swallowed as they regarded each other, unsure as to who should speak first. Robert broke the deadlock ...

"I owe you an apology."

Of all the things he might have said, that was not one she expected. Elizabeth looked into his eyes, confusion evident.

"About before.... I don't blame you for any of this." He said nodding at his arm. "I was way outta line with what I said...none of this is your fault.... you're a good mom.... so erm...I'm y'know.." Robert mumbled awkwardly.

"Never were any good at saying sorry were you?" she chuckled.

He allowed a small smile to play across his mouth.

"Well I just wanted to clarify the point.... whatever happens, I don't blame you.... and just so you know...I'd do it again in an instant."

"I know...thank you." Elizabeth replied, looking down at his hands and fell silent again. She reached over and placed a hand over his bandaged left forearm. Robert looked down at the touch and ruminated sadly, that the he could not feel it. He yanked the arm away from her as if he'd been burned....

Elizabeth drew her hand back into her other, wringing them together in her lap.

"Sorry." She said quietly.

"Elizabeth, what is it you want from me... why do you keep coming back?" he asked, softly.

"I want _us_ back ...and I want you to let me help."

"There never was an 'us' to get back...and there's not much anybody can do to help anymore."

"That's not true and you know it."

"Which part?"

"Both."

He made a snorting noise, and lowered his gaze to the bed sheets.

"I'll tell you what I do know Elizabeth .... I've only ever asked one person for help my whole life ...you.... and _you_ left."

"I know and I'm sorry Robert, truly I am...but I was scared and confused...Mark's death was so fresh in my mind and I panicked, I'm the first to admit that.... I didn't think I could cope with anymore pain, mine or anybody else's.... and I shouldn't have left, but I did...but I'm here _now_ and I want to help."

He couldn't hear this, not now.

"It's too late." He whispered.

"No, no it's not." She stood and grabbed his right hand in hers then gripped it harder when he attempted to shake her off.

"I don't want your pity, nor do I need to be your redemption." He snapped.

"It's not pity." She pleaded.

"No? Well then what is it Elizabeth?"

She looked down at the floor, "I care about you, can't you see that?"

He wanted to believe it, but was terrified of depending on her. What if she woke up tomorrow and decided she'd made a mistake? What would that do to him? He couldn't let her get close after he'd come so far, so he looked her dead in the eye, his face unreadable.

"No, no I can't. I just see someone who wants to play the noble martyr again."

Her head shot up angry and confused, eyes blazing. "Don't you dare Robert...."

"Don't dare what...you got a kick out of playing the dutiful wife and the grieving widow.... for fucks sake, you wouldn't even have gone back to him if _I_ hadn't told you to.... you're such a hypocrite Elizabeth. You British.... always loving the underdog. Taking pity on the next poor chump who comes along.......... _Ahhh poor Robert_ got his arm sliced off and now it's all banged up and they're probably gonna have to hack it off again! Well I'll not be your next mercy mission Elizabeth. Just fuck off and leave me the hell alone." He shouted.

Elizabeth dropped his hand and stood shaking under the vicious verbal onslaught. She knew in her heart, he was simply trying to push her away, but the words stung and ripped at her. Why did he have to be so cruel? She wanted to turn and flee, to never return and let him rot in hell; but she also knew that's what he wanted her to do and _that_ she couldn't. She had already done that to him once, and the bitter aftertaste of that pill he'd swallowed was the man who lay before her now, tortured, frightened and alone.

She summoned up all her anger and screamed back at him in a rage "NO!"

"No what?" Romano asked, slightly taken aback that she hadn't yet left.

"You're not doing this alone anymore."

"Go." He pleaded, feeling his reserve begin to crumble in the light of her newfound strength.

"NO!" She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to her, crushing herself into him. Romano fought against her, but she buried her head against his chest and started to cry. He felt her tears falling, burning into him penetrating his shield.

"Elizabeth I _can't_ do this." His voice rasped.

"Why?" she sobbed pitifully.

"Because I can't get lost in you again."

She held him tighter still, her tears increasing with intensity.

Robert's mind was screaming to push her away. He had the strength if he really wanted to. But he knew deep down he didn't want to....he wanted her, always had and always would despite his resolutions. He loved her so much, but he was so scared of her leaving again. He closed his eyes and fought the tears that threatened to fall, tried to swallow the lump that constricted in his throat. Tried to stop the movement of his arms that slowly moved around her, completing the circle of the embrace that joined them together.

They clung desperately to one another, Elizabeth sobbing loudly as Robert's tears fell silently. After a minute he felt her body relax slightly and he inhaled. She smelt so good and felt warm in his arms. He felt safe for the first time since the accident, thought he saw new light at the top of the abyss once again, and tried to speak, but it came out a whisper.

"_Lizzie_."

She heard the name she'd missed so much and felt her heart skip a beat. It had been so long since he'd spoken that name to her...and let renewed hope flood her soul.

She lifted her head from his now sodden chest, and looked into his eyes. They were red and wet, but she saw the old familiar Robert in there. Lifting her hands up to his face, she smiled tentatively and brought her mouth to his and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

He pulled away dipping his head slightly.

"Lizzie, _why_?" he gripped her face, "I _need_ to know."

"Because I miss you and I need you. Because it physically hurts me to see you in pain, and it crushes me to think that I added to that pain. Because I'm a coward, who only now can see what has always been in front of me...give _us_ a chance please.... you have to because...because Robert I love you."

She spoke the words he'd given up all hope of ever hearing from her; closing his eyes his mouth sought hers feverishly, before pulling away again.

He cupped her cheek with his right hand and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Promise me you'll never leave."

Remembering a scene that had haunted her for months, she returned the intense gaze, looking him dead in the eye.

"Robert..._we'll_ work through this." She smiled.

He returned the smile, the same memory flashing through his own head.

"Course we will." He replied.

They held each other smiling; each safe at last in their embrace, amazed how one little word can put a different perspective on two lives.

FINIS


End file.
